Repeatable Confidence



Feb 21, 2021

When I was a kid, I had my own room but I was too scared to use it or sleep in it. There was a HUGE window that faced the driveway and the street. I kept imagining a bad guy (Jack the Ripper, actually) breaking in through that window. Not sneaking in… but full body smashing through the window chest first with the intent of finding me there.

I don’t think I had the most vivid imagination. I used to watch horror films with my mom. She loved them! I would snuggle next to her under the blanket my grandma crocheted and when the extra scary scenes came up, that blanket shielded my eyes.

One day, I finally wanted to brave going into “my” bedroom to sleep. It must have been about 4th grade and I remember looking down the hall from the comfortable, safe bed that I shared with my mom. I stared down the hall for what feels like a really long time contemplating if I was going to actually sleep in there that night.

The first night, that window was EXTRA ENORMOUS! I couldn’t sleep at all! There was just enough street light glowing through the shades that I couldn’t even pretend to forget where I was. I was determined not to retreat though! I decided to move the bed away from the window… then the window would look smaller. I got up and dragged the bed away from the window and towards the door. Of course, I kept enough space to open the door so I could run if I had to!

For the next week, the fear only dulled a little as my eyes adjusted to the dim new glow from the street light. To cope, I made a “U” shape with pillows on either side of me so I had something at my back and to hold.

Eventually, the window wasn’t so scary. And I spent a lot of time in that room playing and listening to music.

Five years later, I was in the same house but it was a very different home. Many people moved in with us and “home” became a volatile, hostile, and unpredictable place. I’m not exaggerating when I say it felt dangerous every day.

I was very young to be allowed to have a lock on my bedroom door. I don’t remember how or when my mom and I talked about it, but I know it was a no-brainer “yes” given the circumstances.

After they moved in, I didn’t spend any time in any other place of the house except for that bedroom… okay, and the closest bathroom! The bathroom had a lock on it too ;) That room that had been terrifying before became my sanctuary.The window that was a threat to me became my safest option to come and go. To school, eventually to my job too.

I’ve shared this story because this is the type of transformation I work through with my clients as well.

All coaches help people grow in one way or another. I help people in creative and technical fields grow beyond overwhelm to a place of solid and repeatable confidence. I especially love to work with imposter syndrome because there is an extra spark when they begin to thrive with less effort and more connection.

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